Cultural Inequality and Living Abroad
My father is Swedish, my Mother is American. I have lived in both countries, respectively, half my life. In addition to that, I was in the Caribbean for a couple years as well. I am also an anthropology student at CU Boulder: culture has become my thing, you see.
One of my starkest anthropology memories comes from the first anth class I took, which was biological anthropology. It was a lesson my professor gave on the importance valuing equality due to the fact that “race” does not exist. Different human species used to exist, the Neanderthals and the Denisovans for instance, but they have all (likely) been bred into the species called Homo sapiens (us). Race is not a scientific term, rather a cultural one. That is, black, white, asian and hispanic: all the same species of human. Not different races because different races of human beings don’t exist. What that means is that we are challenged to determine exactly what it is that is making us prejudiced: skin color, the way a person dresses, the way they talk…etc.
Moving forward another 6 months or so to my second anth class: cultural anthropology. This class taught me very clearly that, despite biological equality, differences in cultures do exist. The professor of this particular class kind of lost her sense of professionalism, by anthropological standards, when she openly spoke down on societies that exercised oppressive practices towards women.
Point taken though: all human beings are one and the same ‘race’ but not all cultures are created equal. Not all beliefs are equal. Not all behavioral patterns are equal.
It is that which I want to talk to you about today: cultural inequality. Not necessarily the inherent goodness or lack therof, but stark contrasts that can make living abroad very difficult and yet personally developmental at the same time.
People can, mistakenly, have the blinders on when they think about moving to another nation or when they already live in another nation: we all eat, sleep, breath, love in relationships…so, we’re all the same. Right? Thinking that is a big mistake. Cultures differ. We are all the ”same” but, via our upbringing, we all live and act differently. 3rd culture people have no problem related this, but regular people think it is “racist.”
Beliefs differ. Behavioral patterns differ greatly. Situations (environments) differ enormously. These things make living abroad a real challenge at times. Our foundations are what make it easier.
My experiences living ”everywhere,” as I like to call it, have led me to believe that almost all cultures share the same values but in differing amounts. The ones that don’t have the full spectrum, the ones that are actually missing certain core values, aren’t really players on the scene any longer.
Ex: I used to give talks on this subject and often opened them with the 9 Noble Virtues: values extracted from the Poetic Edda, which is an old book based on the belief in the Nordic gods, called Asatro. There are many more values than these, but this is a good spectrum. If one of these values were actually missing from a society, you would notice. With that said, these are not all valued equally in cultures today. In fact most societies lean heavily towards one or two only, while they keep the others on the back burner.
Cultures have focal points. Those focal points are created by beliefs regarding what is most important to get us through life. Those beliefs, or conclusions, have likely been surmised primarily due to environmental factors. For that reason, certain values can get a lot of the attention while others are left as an after thought.
In the middle east, for instance, you might find what you think is a borderline extreme emphasis placed on hospitality, while you might find that the concept of equality, although brought up in conversation, does not take up nearly as much space in their culture. Both exist, but one is more emphasized than the other.
In Sweden, you will find that the emphasis placed on equality between all things and people is placed very high on the podium while other values such as discipline and mental toughness are looked down upon as a kind of last resort to get you through: values for people who aren’t smart enough to do things the right way.
The United States, because of its extremely mixed cultural influences, is actually one of the more balanced cultures I have experienced. Americans still lean towards toughness and persistence as kind of universal values to get you through life, but at any given moment you are going to feel the push of other values nudging their way into the discussion from a number of different sources.
Values create behavioral patterns and behavioral patterns can sometimes be very hard to integrate into. It’s hard for some Americans to work in environments like northern Europe that don’t allow them to ”just do it,” and are instead focused on simply ‘how’ they do it. It’s hard for Europeans to find love in America when the dating culture here is one that starts off as non-monogamous (common complaint by Europeans).
On the other hand, some systems can feel like a true relief, a real breath of fresh air, if you will. The Swedish belief in equality which has led to a near hatred for anyone becoming more successful than anyone else can feel like a hundred pound weight lifted off the chest of the average American who is bombarded with ”you’re not good enough unless you succeed” kind of messages 24/7.
Where these focal point differences really become problematic are in instances of strengths meeting weaknesses: when the best you have to offer is worse than the worst they have to offer and vice versa. This an all too common phenomenon that I’ve been a party to many times. It can really make you feel alone, regardless of which end of the spectrum you are on. If you are on the good end of the spectrum, you’ll likely feel very weird being surrounded by people who have no skill whatsoever in the areas of life you find most important. If you’re on the bad end, well no one wants to be on the bad end, but I’m sure you understand why that makes you feel crummy.
Ex: When the going gets tough, we need to stay late after work, come in on the weekend…etc, I’m going to go with an American over a Swede any day of the week. I might even choose a lazy American over an average Swede. Many American males base their entire lives and self worth simply off being the guy that’s willing to put in the hard work. Swedes are not generally like that.
Ex: In any situation that requires us to slow down, take a step back and think of the best way to do things, my default is going to be the Swede. What I wish more Americans would realize is that, that is a LOT of the time! There is no shortage of Swedes who want nothing more than to be known as an intellectual who’s body is merely a walking podium for their heads.
So where does that leave you? Or, more specifically, what does that leave you with? Primarily with an opportunity to learn and secondarily with an oppurtunity to contribute. If you are just traveling or are within, say, the first year of living abroad, then it is really more of an opportunity to learn. These cultural focal points are usually justified. Initially, they might feel like too much. In fact, I am tempted to say that they will most certainly feel like too much. For the time being, just learn from them and take back what you can to your own country. Granted, cultures can and even tend to become obsessive after a while with their focal points (that’s true for every culture I’ve lived in), but just forget about changing them until you have extracted every last morsel of usable information for yourself. That’s what I do.
If you stay in your host country for long enough, though, that you are able to make a penetration rather than just being the receiver of information, then do so with impunity: get in there and perform. At that stage of the game, you can become something great, like something people have never seen before…but really all you are is a normal person in your own country + someone who has learned some new tricks from a new one.
Follow their rules for the most part and break the ones that aren’t working (carefully). I do this in Sweden and the United States all the time! They will love this and think it is like a breath of fresh air as long as you are performing. But they won’t if your attitude is cocky or if you still have a bunch of things to work on yourself while you are pointing out all of their faults.
Living abroad can get lonely: people hang with you because you aren’t the things they dislike about their own people (MANY bicultural relationships are like this), your skills are often mismatched with the people around you (or perfectly matched from a functional standpoint), there is a communication gap which creates constant friction…etc. With that said, it is an investment that can really pay dividends by way of performance in almost every area of life long term. Tread carefully, but tread on, I say.